Communicate Much?

On this here Marriage Monday, I want to talk about Communication.

I often say “Communication is the lifeline of your Marriage,” and I wholeheartedly believe this. If communication stops so does all the good stuff - sex, romance, fun, and intimacy.

When Anthony and I got married, I thought I was a great communicator. I mean as long as I was willing to talk then I figured I was communicating.

Not so.

I quickly realized - after getting into several “heated fellowships” that maybe I wasn’t as great of a communicator as I thought.

We got into another “heated fellowship” about something I can’t remember and finally the real truth came out. The issue was not what I said, but HOW I said it.

Quite honestly, that seemed to be a reoccurring theme, so I did what most of us do when we want to figure something out, I Googled it.

I came across the 4Ts of Communication and was immediately impressed with how simple and accurately the descriptions fit why we were going at it so much.

Here’s a quick breakdown:

Timing - Is this the right time and place to have this discussion?

Tone - Am I being condescending or rude? How is my body language?

Technique - Am I blaming others or playing the victim?

Truth - Am I telling the whole truth objectively? Am I over exaggerating?

Taking a little bit of time to give each of these topics consideration helped me assess how I was communicating AND to choose my words more carefully because the Bible sure does say that I'm gonna have to give an account to God for every word that comes out of my mouth! YIKES!!

I also paired this new knowledge with Proverbs 25:24 that says, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Talk about humbling.

I put these strategies into practice and now our “heated fellowships” are further and further apart. We can actually have open dialogue without either of us feeling like we’re being talked at rather than talked with.

You can learn more about the 4Ts HERE.

But I want to hear from you! What strategies have you learned about communication that have helped your marriage?